Bananas and Blowtorches: The Julian Alsop Story

A pair of football boots were burned with a blowtorch in a Gloucestershire field this afternoon. Shortly before, their owner, 37-year-old Julian Alsop, had scored a last-minute equaliser for Bishop’s Cleeve in their Zamaretto South and West finale against North Leigh, bringing an end to a career that spanned more than two decades.

It was a characteristically theatrical end for a player whose reputation often preceded him. Alsop’s career took him from non-league football in the midlands to spells with Bristol Rovers and Swansea City, though he did not turn professional until he was 23. He is perhaps most infamous for his time at Oxford United, where he was sacked over an incident with a youth team player involving a banana. According to Alsop, he simply rubbed the banana in the player’s face.

An Old Fatty Lump of Lard

His return to League Two football with Cheltenham Town at the age of 36 was met with disbelief. Most Robins fans thought it was a joke when Martin Allen brought him back to Whaddon Road, a full six years after his last spell, a period which had seen him play for Forest Green Rovers, Tamworth, Newport County, and Cirencester Town.

Allen’s own explanation for the signing did little to quell the scepticism. He told the Gloucestershire Echo at the time:

We went shopping for a big strong centre-forward at the start of the season, but couldn’t afford the players we wanted. If you go shopping at Sainsbury’s and ask for a fillet steak but can’t afford it, you have to find something else and we’ve ended up with a gristly old fatty lump of lard up front - but it tasted good.

Yet on a month-by-month contract, Alsop delivered, becoming the club’s all-time leading goalscorer and being voted Supporters’ Player of the Season. He then dropped back down three and a bit leagues to Bishop’s Cleeve, managed by Paul Collicut, the man who had encouraged the fitness drive that led to his Cheltenham return. The move meant a return to trips to places like Newport on the Isle of Wight, where he once met Rolf Harris on the ferry.

Welcome to the Real World

Despite the on-field theatrics and tales of swigging from pints mid-game, Alsop has spent the last few years preparing for the inevitable end. He has been studying for a degree and setting up a company, Footballers Careers, to address what he sees as a major gap in player welfare.

His venture is built on the precariousness of the profession. Players are commodities, signed and released with little thought for their future once their playing utility is exhausted.

“I don’t feel there is enough support out there for players coming to the end of their career from PFA and also the football clubs themselves,” Alsop has said. “A player will leave a club at the end of his contract and then it is up to the agent to fix up his next club if that fails - welcome to the real world.”

He believes the Professional Footballers’ Association offers insufficient practical help beyond funding for courses. His company aims to provide specific training and then connect former players directly with work opportunities. Having seen the nomadic and often insecure nature of a lower-league career first-hand, Alsop is now drawing on his own experiences to tackle a systemic issue. He says he will not go into coaching, and is instead in training for the London Marathon.