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Author: Ted

World Cup Preview: Group B

The 19th FIFA World Cup kicks off in eight weeks today, and as such Dotmund continues his almost-in-depth look ahead to this summer’s festivities. Today he continues his preview of each of the eight groups, having been sent foraging for facts on the internet with only his trusty big pencil for company. Up for examination in this week’s post, Group B.

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Southend United & Fossett’s Folly

Southend United were under threat of extinction thanks to a £400,000 Inland Revenue demand. Whilst their new ground at Fossett’s Farm is seen as the solution to the club’s long-term financial difficulties, the Shrimpers needed help in the short-term. They were fortunate that business partners were able to advance future revenue to cover the short-term costs and keep the club afloat for the time being. The consequences of this borrowing will probably be onerous, and will definitely have a detrimental effect on the promised financial advantages of the ground move. But that is for another day. Southend are saved. And with prudent financial management, the future is bright. An accurate snapshot of Southend United’s fortunes… in November 1998. Naturally, given that Southend are right back where they were in 1998, when he came in, I come to bury Southend chairman and majority shareholder Ron Martin, not to praise him. His spin on the events at ‘his’ club this season has been as annoying as it has been disingenuous. His club have been exposed as serial late-payers of players and tax authorities alike; “a habitual defaulter” was how the latter described them in court. Progress on the new stadium at “Fossett’s Farm”, still the panacea for all the club’s financial ills, has been shunted and stunted by financial battles for which Martin and his club are getting blame from friends...

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Gillett & Hicks: Overpaid, Over-leveraged And… Over

At a time when stock market flotations were all the rage in top football circles, performance-related pay (PRP) was all the rage in public sector/civil service offices. Both ideas proved to be rubbish (see “bankers’ bonuses” for details). But not before both wrought considerable damage. A key part of PRP where I once worked was the concept of “SMART” objectives, which won the “misleading acronym of the year” award so often in the early-90s it got to keep the trophy. SMART stood for “Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timeous.” And while this contained an element of superficial common-sense, it failed utterly as a measure of determining pay, for reasons to numerous and dull to detail here. However, with the “Gillett and Hicks” era at Liverpool coming to a close for the 94th time (although this time, it looks like they mean it), I thought it might be informative to apply SMART objectives to their “lively” three-and-a-bit years at Anfield. This can be done because the share offer document produced by the Americans and their “people” back in February 2007 actually set out a couple of key objectives which met the SMART criteria. And it will surprise no-one that under SMART objective-based PRP, both Gillett and Hicks would owe money. The “Background to and reasons for the offer” section of the offer document ignores “background” until it has dealt with...

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World Cup Preview: Group A

The 19th FIFA World Cup kicks off in nine weeks today, and as such Dotmund continues his almost-in-depth look ahead to this summer’s festivities. Today is the beginning of his preview of each of the eight groups, having been sent foraging for facts on the internet with only his trusty huge mackerel baguette for company. Predictably enough, we start with Group A.

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Shit Shot Mungo: S02E36

Well, it’s Thursday night and that can only mean one thing – it’s Shit Shot Mungo time. In this week’s episode, the fall-out from Sid “Bisto” Nixon’s funeral continues with the news that their relegation rivals are to be docked, suspiciously enough, exactly the number of points required to give Heart of Clackmannannshire a chance of avoiding relegation. Will anybody notice? Will anybody do anything about it? All will be revealed. This week’s Mungo is brought to you by Dotmund (who celebrated his thirtieth birthday yesterday – happy birthday Tedward) and is also available...

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