Euro 2016 on 200%: France vs Romania… Live!
by Ian | Jun 10, 2016
Good evening everybody, and welcome to the very start of the 2016 European Championships. Tonight, the tournament kicks off – pun both intended and unintended – with a match between the host nation, France, and Romania. We’ll have half an hour or so of opening ceremony to struggle through before it starts, so be prepared for that, and the teams should be with us about an hour before kick-off. France, of course, qualified automatically as hosts, and are amongst the favourites to win the whole shebang, with a team that combines youth and experience, from Anthony Martial to Patrice Evra. They won their last four friendly matches in a row – scoring thirteen goals in the process – and their last defeat came at Wembley against England in November, a match that was completely overshadowed by the events in Paris at the end of the week before.
Romania, meanwhile, qualified by finishing second in Group F of the qualifying rounds behind Northern Ireland, with fellow qualifiers Hungary finishing in third place and eventually qualifying through the play-offs. Their qualifying round was based on a parsimonious defence, and the obvious concern is that eleven goals in ten matches in qualifying doesn’t translate particularly well when we look to them taking on more accomplished opposition, into which France most definitely fall. With Albania and Switzerland to play after this and the four best third-placed teams to qualify for the second round of the competition, though, they may well be forgiven for feeling confident that they can still edge through even in the event of defeat this evening.
Anyway, we’ll be back at seven o’clock (UK time) with all the fun and frollocks from Paris, team news, and a brief look forward to what you can look forward to on 200% over the next few weeks. It’ll be an absolute blast. I promise.
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Bon soir, mesdames et messieurs! Buna seara doamnelor si domnilor! (That’s “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen” in both French and Romanian.)
And welcome to the opening match of the 2016 European Championships, between France and Romania, from Le Stade de France. First of all, here’s the teams.
France: Lloris, Sagna, Koscielny, Rami, Evra, Kanté, Matuidi, Pogba, Griezmann, Payet, Giroud
Romania: Tătăruşanu, Săpunaru, Grigore, Chiricheş, Raţ, Hoban, Pintilii, Stanciu, Popa, Stancu, Andone
We’ve got our English to Romanian translator open, we’ve got ITV on for the first time since there was last a live football match on that channel, we’re ready for du foot.
ITV are sitting on a roof in the middle of Paris. Emmanuel Petit still has that peculiar hair arrangement thing going on, and Slaven Bilic looks as if he’s wearing a crochet dress on account of the Eiffel Tower base shaped middle of the table. Jacqui Oatley is in the stadium with Christian Karembeu, who is agreeing with literally everything that she says. He’s very keen for some foot. (French version of that word, by the way.)
There’s some serious firepower in that French line-up.
I expect you to nod right the way through this while I type everything I post into the English to Romanian Google Translate.
I am eating Sainsbury’s own brand Fig Rolls. Not the best fig roll. 5/10.
Today’s blog is sponsored by Sainsbury’s own-brand Fig Rolls, by the way.
In spite of the current feature being about Wales and Northern Ireland, I am more interested in knowing about what Jacqui Oatley and Christian Karembeu are talking about RIGHT NOW.
ITV are truly transcending themselves tonight. Marion Bartoli interviewing Louis Saha. They’ve gone full parody. They’re trolling the Guardian reader. It’s quite superb.
I’m still a bit scared of Slaven Bilic. Unsure as to whether I should be more scared of him than I am of Nigel Worthington or not.
Slaven Bilic is scared of Nigel Worthington. I think that tells you all you need to know.
Are ITV eschewing the opening ceremony? It certainly feels like they might be. If required, I may be able to post up a short video of the boy dancing to the Vengabus song as a replacement.
Didier Deschamps has gone with the team an English FIFA16 player would have picked.
I mean, there’s always this:
Look, is this fucking match ever going to kick off or not?
Oh no, wait, they haven’t even bleeding started it yet.
Like that everytime Petit and Dixon talk that Bilic gets into some serious doodling on his clipboard
With any luck, he’s drawing up a peace treaty of some sort.
I’ve just been reading about that David de Gea thing. I saw his name coming up on Twitter earlier and didn’t know why, exactly. Kind of wish I hadn’t looked, now.
Oh, Lee Dixon. With your face like someone did a Mr. Potato Head on a parsnip, at dusk.
Emmanuel Petit could comfortably lend Slaven Bilic some hair. But anyway, over to the Stade de France.
The opening ceremony is almost indistinguishable from the start of Eurovision nowadays, you know.
People commentating on opening ceremonies is still the most weird, infuriating, gormless thing
Just think, if Italy had won hosting rights, this would be nuns
In thirty years time, this sort of thing will have completely usurped the matches themselves.
Good to see Robbie Savage supplementing his income by manning the decks, there.
I am not sure he is singing this song live you know
It’s presumably reasonable to believe that kick-off will be delayed, unless they’re going to play around that DJ, who’ll just keep going right the way through the match.
By the way, the fact that a French artist is playing in front of a French audience, for a French tournament, in France is nevertheless speaking English will probably not have escaped note on the other side of the Channel.
All rise for La Marseillaise.
Edit: in a minute.
Oh blimey, teams
How time flies when you are confused and slightly bored.
Hello. Sorry I’m late. Six reasons. Jacqui Oatley. Christian Karembeu, Marion Bartoli, Louis Saha, the inability to remotely comprehend why anyone…ANYONE thought any of that was good telly…and…the resultant use of the off switch. Right, with Killing Joke’s “Europe” in my head, let’s do some football
Cracking anthem there, Romania. I wonder how many times it mentions the Ceaucescus?
The band resolutely refused to speed up towards the end of La Marseillaise. Terse.
Did I read a thing the other week that explained why the crowd and the backing are always out of synch on television broadcasts or did I imagine that? I’m sure I saw an explanation that it’s something technical rather than human beings being mentally capable of singing in time with a national anthem.
It’s to do with mob mentality and the right of might. brexit
It shows the need for greater unity remain
Only a couple of minutes late kicking off. Kudos to the Stade de France Pitch Crap Clearing Team.
Honestly, look at the fucking dishrag of a kit Nike have sent the French national football team out to play in.
This liveblog this evening is sponsored by Nike, by the way.
Romania’s goalkeeper’s kit is too similar in colour to the kit of the outfield players. The colourblind are the last pariah in the age of political correctness.
Romania: “Maybe not the toughest of qualifying sections.” So unlike “potential winners” England’s eh?
Also by Tesco own brand Angel Alices, which I am now eating.
(Note: hexagonal goal nets.)
Fucking Glenn Hoddle, man. Fucking Glenn Hoddle.
Shaky at the back the French doomed
Oh! Brilliant save from Hugo “Definitely Not Slow” Loris! Header blocked by his legs from point blank range.
France are playing like they’ve just got up. Which they may have done, as their kit looks like their pyjamas.
Bet Deschamps wishes that Sakho did not take that slim fast now
If Romania score tonight, they will, by the very definition of the terms, have “had a better chance than that”, Glenn. You tit.
No goal-line technology? Thought we’d have had three replays and Johnathan Pearce’s head exploding by now. I want my money back…
Who is the French player who most resembles a rooster, in his mannerisms and general attitude? I would like to posit the thesis that it is Laurent Koscielny.
And footballing ability…its Koscielny for me too
I keep forgetting that France are the home team.
France “slowly growing into this game,” Hoddle. After NINE minutes…
Matt Scott (ex-Guardian) just tweeted “poor.” And the WORLD knows he means Giroud…
Antoine Griezemann reminds me of an alert hunting dog. Upright. Ears pricked. Had Pedigree Chum for breakfast.
And now also, hit the post.
I think I recently tipped Olivier Giroud to be the top scorer.
Meanwhile, Griezmann hits the post with a header. Superb reactions to get to the ball and direct it goalwards in the first place.
This is already “good for an opening game,” isn’t it? Mind you, won’t be too long before telly-land is telling us to imagine Jamie Vardy against these defences…
The Romanian national goalkeeper is playing tonight without his trademark beard of bees, due to a labour dispute.
I know it’s unfair to say this, but it’s so weird seeing Patrice Evra still playing international football. It’s like switching on an England match and seeing that Rio Ferdinand is playing. I don’t know what I thought happened to him. Maybe I thought he’d return. Honestly, I’m like my son. If anything disappears from my direct line of view, I assume it no longer exists. And then burst into tears.
I see some “Turkish Airlines” banners appear on the hoardings. I got on a Turkish Airlines flight once. A Turkish Airlines fight, to Turkey.
Griezmann is “top of everyone’s shopping list this summer” and Paul Pogba’s future is LESS clear? Eh? Oh…and watching Evra still playing is more like seeing that LES Ferdinand is still playing. I thought Evra retired in 2010. And I’ve yet to see anything to change my mind…
Rio Ferdinand was named after the soft drink.
Christ, I forget referees carry that foam spray these days. I thought he had mace.
Giroud was THIRD in that race to be offside. Clean through too. Mind you…Giroud…
They’re replacing that foam with tear gas for the England match tomorrow night.
Maybe it is a bold new UEFA pilot scheme, to introduce “CS Gas” as the long-discussed intermediate stage between the yellow and the red card.
Surely Digne is better than Evra? Reckon Battison is better than Evra even now
Patrice Evra is a year younger than me.
I presume one of the pre-tournament directives to referees was “do not penalise Patrice Evra for ANYthing.” France on the brink of taking the lead here, I think…
Oh yeah, nice pass, Passo.
Nice defending from Grigore, there, sticking his toe out to deflect the ball away from Giroud.
Grigore Peck(ed by rooster. I mean Laurent Koscielny)
Tabloid newspapers requiring a headline writer: I am available. Also, cheap.
So Kante is “Conte” now?
I don’t fancy these “fast-counter attack from the goalkeeper’s hands” tactics considering Romania are playing seven at the back
I hear a *************************** Mexican wave.
Is there a red button option where you can watch the game with the Glenn Hoddle commentary taken off? Serious question.
I SEE a ******************************** Mexican wave. All participating fans should be banned from football. For life.
Well, this has all gone a little bit off, hasn’t it? It’s kind of lost its shape, and there have been a few unforced errors.
France doing a lot of “growing” into this game. They’ll all be thirty feet tall by full time.
The material the French shorts are made from is pretty unforgiving when viewed in slow-motion replays.
I’m handing in my Winky Inspector card at the door.
I mean, that number 4. France. Definitely seen his. I could draw it from memory.
The England shorts aren’t made of the same material, I hope. Fuck, they will be. Great. Wayne Rooney’s penis. That’s all I need.
Time for another Mexican wave, so I can change the subject…
Because if all you need is Wayne Rooney’s penis, I DREAD to think what you are building. Game is dying, meanwhile. Is it the heat?
These Romanian footballers look like Romanian footballers.
Griezmann’s snap shot from twelve yards pings a yard wide of the post. He’s been the best player on the pitch, so far.
A damning verdict indeed.
Olivier Giroud has the exact mannerisms of a goose.
Are 70,000 people booing because somebody is injured? Boo! Get off the pitch with your fake shattered knee cap!
This injury stoppage is going on Andone
I’m a bit of a Griezmann fan. Better than Pogba in the under 20 World Cup a few years back, when Alex Ferguson’s favourite reject got all the headlines.
He’s done better so far than Giroud, whose biggest contribution so far has been his attempt to break the world record for number of times caught offside.
Current holder: Filipo Inzaghi
Inzaghi’s been caught offside twice TONIGHT.
This is 50 minutes of my life I won’t be getting back.
“A good time to score,” says Tyldesley. Just pondering when it would be a BAD time to score…
Got to love that line “A good time to score” genius
Hoddle’s resume of that Rats booking is the worst analysis I have ever heard. Needs to be part of a media course…the “how not to do it” bit.
Razvan Rat, there, owner of the best name of any player in this tournament, getting a yellow card for doing to Olivier Giroud what all Arsenal supporters have surely fantasised about at some point or another.
Here’s a controversial theory. Maybe Sir Alex Ferguson was a better judge of players than his reputation, for some occasionally flaky transfer dealings, sometimes suggests.
Get Martial on.
Which is a philosophical way of putting the question: “is Paul Pogba actually a bit shit?”
Pogba definitely has ability and looks great at times. Other times though looks clumsy and can be lazy with his passing in my view.
Yep. Not bad for an opening game. A bit “Edward’s view of Paul Pogba” otherwise. Looking forward to hearing Slaven Bilic’s take on that. Emmanuel Petit’s MUCH less so
Could Harry Kane score the first goal of Euro 2016?
Half-Time: France 0-0 Romania. First big chance to Romania, who will be happier than their opponents at the score at this point in the match, but France had the best of the rest of it. Griezmann hit the post, Giroud headed just wide. Can’t imagine that France won’t shuffle their attacking options if something doesn’t change in the first fifteen twenty minutes of the second half. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes. I’ve just remembered I’ve got a big ass bag of crisps in the pantry.
Slaven Bilic looks like a man who has been persuaded to do this with the promise of a bag of chips.
His head looks like someone put Pritt Stick on an onion and dropped it into a vacuum cleaner.
Yeah but LISTEN to the guy. He’s going to be worth it this tournament. Although he’s odds on to let slip the first swear word. Think he just did, actually.
So presumably there’s going to be some sort of Second Period to this game?
And James Corden afterwards? No?? Mind you, “Petit highlights” sounds like a barrel-load of merde. Here we go again…
Antoine Griezemann. The sadness in his eyes.
Stancu stank again there. Bogdan-standard finishing. Hey, I’m a sub-editor. Headlines are my business. Yes, I’m broke…
For my Saint-Denis Tapestry (a friend suggested “Eureux Tapestry” this afternoon), I’m keeping a notebook handy so I can write down notable moments.
France are shrinking into this second half so far. And not slowly either.
Meanwhile, In The England Camp
Definitely Eureaux Tapestry. Definitely.
+++OLIVIER GIROUD HAD A SHOT ON TARGET KLAXON+++
Or his new name, Olivier GirooooOOOOOOOOOO
Payet in a good shooting position gives the ball to Giroud. “Giroud hits the target” says Hoddle, believing the target to be the goalkeeper’s chest
Good evening all. Meanwhile, on Radio 5: Thierry Henry is being so full of life and vigour I wonder if the one who appears on Sky is a doppelgänger while Danny Mills is being as functional as you’d expect Gary Neville’s stand-in crica 2002 to be.
Hoddle again. “Would Chiriches have got a second yellow there if he hadn’t already been booked?” Well, the ref didn’t give a foul. So…err…
Glenn Hoddle is doing his bit for the Legalise Euthanasia movement this evening.
That “McDonalds Players Escorts” rotating sign is open to interpretation, isn’t it?
Payet’s “magical boots” a bit Tommy Cooper tonight.
Hey, but Tommy Cooper got the tricks right occasionally.
Always said it what a striker!
A goal made in the Premier League talksport
Of course Giroud scored. OF…COURSE…HE…DID..
Of course, of course, of course.
And Hoddle spoils the moment by saying “zero-zero.” I’m old enough to have seen him play regularly. And he was a wonder. What happened?
The midfield trio of France really compliment each other. Kante hasn’t stopped telling Pogba how nice his shirt looks all evening.
Denis Alibec on for Romania. Will Denis be a hero in St Denis?
Glenn Hoddle is a man who gave David Blunkett the moral high ground. I think we should remember his football and leave it at that.
I wonder if two substitutes, from different teams and different countries, have ever headed out down the touchline to warm up… and FALLEN IN LOVE?
Dimitri Payet looks like a woodpecker.
The sub that dare not speak his name.
Hang on, I’ll phone my agent.
(I don’t have an agent)
Here we go..
Patrice Evra, there.
Got to love Evra.
Evra attempted a clothesline and failed. Deserved pen
Looks like the fifth official gave that. Don’t know why he had to.
Enough time for France to win this but that defence is definitely a worry for them.
Come on, Coman. France’s sub. ANOTHER “headline-writer’s dream.”
Kingsley Coman on as a sub.
Need a goal now France for my scorecast to come in. Don’t let me down.
When have France ever let anyone down, Craig? Rhetorical question…
So, France 1-1 Romania. Patrice Evra, eh? He’d spent the first half mistiming this that and the other, so it’s not enormously surprising. Stanciu’s penalty wasn’t that great. Good job he got the dummy right.
Very true Mark. I have nothing to fear.
Getting the dummy right makes it a decent pelanty though, right?
In an ideal world, I’d want it placed perfectly as well.
I’m a hard task-master.
In an ideal world I wouldn’t want Harry Kane taking corners. I don’t think we live in this ideal world of which you speak.
Of course this will probably mean that Kane puts a pin-point ball in from the corner onto the head of Milner tomorrow night and no-one would be vindicated by that so I take your point.
Romania under so much pressure at the moment they couldn’t pass wind.
Oh right…that smell must be me. Sorry. Evra cross to Giroud. Think I’ve just seen a dress rehearsal for tonight’s winning goal.
Well, we’ve found out what sort of result Romania came here to get tonight, at least.
Yep. A 0-0. Made a hames of that didn’t they?
Did not see that substitution coming or Pogba for that
Martial for Pogba? Is Deschamps high or a troll?
I am far form certain that that was a great decision by Didier Deschamps.
Martial for Pogba. Maybe Edward was right.
Kante really is a beautiful bastard of a footballer. Maybe they’re going for the ‘Kante is worth two midfielders’ theory.
That shot would’ve nestled in the corner of a much wider goal.
Romania entering plucky territory. And I’m sorry Clyde but it DOES get much bigger than England v Russia…a first-round group game.
Kingsley Coman’s mum is called Eileen.
Nothing is bigger than Slutsky trash talking Wayne Rooney. NOTHING!
Edward’s joke for all the teachers in the room there.
Razvan Rat was a very good player on FM2009. What happened to him? Aside from playing international football in 2016.
Surely set-piece 101 is not to run five seconds before the whistle for the free-kick
So Arsene Wenger saying that Kante should be playing at a higher level is a “manager showing an interest?” Last year’s PL forgotten already?
There are clearly higher levels than Premier League Champions and representing your country. Would like to know what that level is though
If the assistant officiating continues to be this much of a curate’s egg, the replaying of offside calls on stadia big screens is going to be an increasingly bad idea…
Payet blows it right open. Cracking goal.
Can a camera please cut to Slaven Bilic RIGHT NOW…
Left foot as well. Great strike
Left foot = traction engine etc.
Holy poop. What a goal from Dimitri Payet, a fierce curling shot into the top corner. A minute and a half left to play and France, who had been running out of steam, lead again.
Deserved in balance I would say. France have been the more enterprising side.
Oh Didier Deschamps, with your face like an ugly man having a good day or a handsome man having a stinker
West Ham United’s second major international football tournament victory…
Bilic may have exploded after that
Minus points for having a cry as you’re substituted.
Patrice Evra copped one in the potatoes. These shorts are a liability.
“They’ve got to be tears of joy, right?” – Tyldesley. The BBC HAVE to be better, right??
Romania were slightly more doughty than I expected.
Well done France. Things to work on. Least I am one bet up.
Payet didn’t just high five that bloke there he slapped his hand off of his wrist and into the seine.
Still, if you scored an early goal of the tournament contender to win the game for your team you cannae begrudge him smacking someone’s hand off of their wrist
That match featured a lot of jumping and powerful emotions.
Full-time: France 2-1 Romania. Magnificent goal from Payet with two minutes to play, giving France a win that they only just deserved but will certainly be grateful for. Romania looked reasonably good value, and the question now is how they recover from the psychological damage from losing to such a late goal? They looked too strong to get knocked out in the first round, but they’ve got some work to do now. Thanks for watching, we’ll be back tomorrow afternoon for the match you’ve all been waiting for. Albania vs Switzerland.
“I wish you could have seen Slaven’s face when Payet scored that goal…” – Pougatch. Well, he was surrounded by cameras all night. Surely SOMEONE thought…. No?