Next Manager After The Next Manager After Capello Will Be An Horrendously Overpaid Foreigner, Says FA

2 By Ian  |   The Ball  |   August 15, 2010  |     4
The successor to Fabio Capello’s successor as England manager is certain to be an overseas coach, the Football Association revealed this evening. Speaking exclusively to twohundredpercent, a source within the FA said “Everybody just now¬†thinks they want an English manager in charge of the England national team. And so do we at the moment, so we’ll appoint one next time, probably in 2012. But by the time of our lame World Cup exit in 2014, we’re working on the assumption that everyone will realise, at the top level, English managers are tactically inept and generally rubbish, and we’ll all remember why we didn’t appoint one last time.”

The source continued, “By then there’ll be an overwhelming clamour to get the best coach regardless of nationality, and once again we fully intend to be swept along by the tide of public opinion. Of course, we’ll have to pay through the nose to get the right man – probably about fifty million pounds a year – but we’ll make wage negotiations easy by making an early proclamation that money is no object, and for that we’ll get an absolutely top rate foreign coach. I mean, one who wears glasses and everything. He might not actually have any prior experience of international management but, y’know, how hard can it be?”

The move is sure to be controversial, not only because of the cost but because the press are already preparing to rehash stories about how he won’t understand the crude but passionate nature of the English game and how his language abilities inhibit effective man-management. But our source tells us that the FA have already anticipated these objections. “Yes, we’ve thought of that,” he assured us, “and therefore I can state now with complete confidence that the next manager after the next manager after the next manager after Capello is certain to be an Englishman.”

Harry Redknapp was unavailable for comment.



Ian began writing Twohundredpercent in May 2006. He lives in Brighton. He has also written for, amongst others, Pitch Invasion, FC Business Magazine, The Score, When Saturday Comes, Stand Against Modern Football and The Football Supporter. Ian was the first winner of the Socrates Award For Not Being Dead Yet at the 2010 NOPA awards for football bloggers.

  • August 16, 2010 at 12:52 am

    Micky F

    At first I though this article was a light-hearted joke but having read it again a couple of times I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s probably 100% true!

  • August 16, 2010 at 1:00 pm


    What made the article completely obvious it was a joke is the last bit “Harry Redknapp was unavailable for comment”.

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