The Street Pharmacists Guide To Football: The Premier League Screws You Up
Ahead of the new series of Cafe Calcio, which begins on the thirteenth of September on Resonance FM, co-host Chris Roberts is back to with a look at the links between football and… heroin.
Like any other drug football is exciting and takes one somewhere else. Everyone is doing it. It brings tremendous joy. It brings people together. Makes you connect with others in a dizzying journey. All excited for the new season? Ready for the roller coaster ride of joy and harmless pleasure that is watching soccerball? In might be as well to consider some of the possible downsides.
Diet – Bad meat, fizzy drinks, and confectionary consumed at odd times and in strange combinations, often with too much alcohol, can result in constipation, stomach ulcers as well as reduction of vitamin intake.
Heart – Inappropriate sudden movements, extreme emotional highs and lows combined with poor diet and lack of exercise may result in heart failure.
Finance – Costly trips to ground alongside travel, souvenirs, TV packages and lost work opportunities can result in poverty and unemployment.
Libido – Whilst victory may increase potency, the other factors taken in combination can reduce it. Also the opportunities for romance are reduced by attendance at games.
Eyesight – Ability to see things that aren’t there whilst also failing to spot glaringly obvious incidents.
Skin – Spending time in the pub, at home or constant travelling all impact negatively on the skin as does the long term effect of face paint.
Mental health – The constant whispering of the media, banter boards and friends in the know fosters paranoia and impairs judgement.
Fashion sense – Can develop a fondness for manmade fibres in lurid colours. Ginger types may wear red, plump sorts opt for hoops.
Family life – long absences, irritability if results go wrong way, inattention at family events, most distressingly passing this addiction on to children.
Chris Roberts co-hosts Café Calcio on Resonance 104.4 FM. He wrote the book Football Voodoo on magic and superstition in soccer and is responsible for the Football Art Masterclass, the Latin speaking football correspondent Tacticus and the Russian billionaires random team name generator.
Café Calcio is broadcast at 7.00 PM on 104.4 Resonance FM and repeated on Saturday’s at 11 AM. Shows from the first three seasons can be found http://soundcloud.com/
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