Steady Now, Jonathan: Pearce Shouts For England & Ronaldo

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12 Responses

  1. Mike Landers says:

    I’m not sure it is “unprofessional” as such, but more of a creeping trait of football commentary in that the game has to fit a predefined “story”. If the buildup is all about Ronaldo, then the commentary is all about Ronaldo. Peter Drury did the same thing with Rooney vs Ukraine, the buildup was that he was destined to be Englands missing saviour, so that is how he was portrayed. Last nights reaction to the Greece equaliser – “they wipe out the debt!” – gives the preparedness anyway.

    First noticed it with Tyldesley and his commentary on Crawley Town vs Man Utd – the plucky little underdog, making a few million new fans, while anyone who knew anything about Crawley was spitting feathers.

    It is like editing a Reality TV show to make some people look like bad guys, some people look like they are about to have sex etc – the participants are merely unknowingly playing roles assigned to them. The game is no longer allowed to provide the drama, it just has to fit the storyline.

  2. Garry Pursell says:

    If I recall correctly Keown’s comment was actually ‘like an NFL basketball player’. It made me chuckle at the time. Not a great faux pas in the scheme of things, but to get a sports organisation wrong is a little lax.

  3. piggeh says:

    All I can say is. Wow. People take this shit seriously! There were moments in the game (especially referring to “Ronaldo the match-winner”) which I thought were highly presumptious. But just let it go man, life is too short!

  4. Allan says:

    And there was me (and BBC Scotland’s Off The Ball presenters) thinking that it was just typical English football comentators desperate to crowbar any anglocentric angle into their commentary of two non English teams.

    Still, if you really wanted to have a pop at Green, maybe you should have written about his rant (during the Ukraine game on Tuesday) about people who critisise the use of the word “we” when talking about England, forgetting there are five million people distinctly not “we”…

  5. Dermot O'Dreary says:

    Sounds like Pearce is after the mantle currently worn by Clive “that night in Barcelona” Tylesdley who himself turned in a virtuoso display of arse-licking when commentating on Ronaldo the other day

  6. Ondergard says:

    I thought it was only me… Like the author – who I commend highly for a forensic demolition of these parasitic, sycophantic drones, written in a manner I could not possibly emulate because I explode with such ire as I begin my rant that I am rendered incapable of coherent thought, let alone speech – I find it hard to forgive these twerps – highly-paid twerps – for their ignorance, arrogance, and general arseholery. On TV, there isn’t a single one worthy of his no doubt substantial paycheck. On radio – Alan Green aside, of course, who is so mind-numbingly awful that I switch off Five Live when he’s on, even if it is the only source of information available to me of what’s actually happening live – there are honourable exceptions: Jimmy Armfield and Mike Ingham, Conor Macnamara (if only he could actually pronounce people’s names correctly… it’s Micah Richards, Conor – that’s MIKE-ah, not MEEK-ah, or MICK-a! It’s AIRon Lennon, not ARRon Lennon) and that Geordie Dave who for some unaccountable reason also likes the stylised British Bulldog which is Rugby League.
    The TV though, when it comes to commentary on either channel, is carpeted in wall-to-wall utter wankers, especially ITV – step forward the twunt who is Tyldesley – and on the BBC, especially Jonathan Pearce, a man whose voice and style makes you think, “That’s how The Sun would speak if it actually had a voice.”
    In the game already adequately demolished, Pearce actually deliberately used an American Football reference when the object of his lust took a free kick and it hit the wall, only to be awarded another free kick for handball in the wall… “He made five yards, second down and thirty…” or some such tosh.
    Isn’t it enough that we have to live with these utter morons turning a verb into a noun by telling us, not that Nani made the goal for Ronaldo, say (as we would have said until about three years ago) but that Nani “got the assist”? No he didn’t! You can’t get an assist. “Assist” is a verb, you tossers! No, it isn’t second and thirty. It’s a free kick, you parasitical prick!
    As if all that wasn’t bad enough, we had to suffer Pearce’s dreadful attempts to make all his meaningless statistics and verbal dreck sound spontaneous.
    A word, Jonathan. We know that you are in a commentary box. If you have made any attempt to be professional, you will have studied both the teams you are commentating on, and have reams of notes on your desk. You aren’t in the pub, with some bloke leaning across the table saying, “Who was that bloke who missed an open goal against Leeds in the Third Round of the Cup in 1999?” We know that you’ve got it all written down. You aren’t relying on trawling through the remote recesses of your capacious memory… so why, when you are trying to crowbar one of your ridiculously obscure statistics into your irritating whinie, do you persist in saying, “It was his father who scored against Steeple Sinderby Wanderers in 1983, I seem to remember…”
    You don’t “seem to remember”, Jonathan. You read about it, and you WROTE IT DOWN. Like everything about your involvement in football, our trademark expression, “I seem to remember…” is false and un-necessary. Much like your commentary.
    I think I would willingly pay money for a BBC or ITV presentation of football where pressing the blue button gave us the effect mikes so we could hear the crowd and the ref’s whistle, and nothing else. No Keown. No Beglin. No Lawrenson… and especially no Clive Tyldesley, no Petere Drury, No Jeff Stelling, and above all, NO JONATHAN PEARCE.

  7. Ian H says:

    It is so good to see an article giving commentators and pundits some good constructive criticsm.
    There worth to the overall presentation is negligable – to the point their opinions are seldom objective and frequently of blind ignorance. And, as mentioned here, who wants the opinions of said persons? Just tell us what the ‘kin ‘ell is going on or shut up!
    Many TV commentators & pundits love to lambast match officals and accuse them of ruining a game. I can honestly say I have never known an official ruin a game. However, it is a long time since I have watched a televised match NOT ruined by someone in the stadium/studio with a mike.

  8. mike says:

    I am one of those who simply cannot stand Mr. Pearce’s voice or style. My own solution, such as it is, is to put the sound on mute as soon as I become aware that the gentleman is ‘on’. If we could have pictures and effects mike only as an option I for one would regard it as a major technical breakthrough.

  9. Ian H says:

    Can somone please explain to me how the BBC can justify empoying Lawrenson in the commentary box?
    He is not only annoying and good at stating the obvious, his attempts at humour fail miserably.
    Can we start a petition?

  10. Neal_CUFC says:

    Simon Brotherton is always pretty decent IMO – he manages to avoid too much hyperbole and always uses good imagery to assist with his commentary.

  11. Adrian Brown says:

    Re. Lawrenson. Surely has to be the worst. His comments last night were of a Xenophobic idiot. And did anyone else note his rubbish about how England should not have kicked the ball out when an Italian was injured, saying (with I would imagine a straight face) that the Italians would never do the same for us…Unbelievable!

  12. Rob Bernard says:

    Takes me back to being a young un and Keith Macklin’s grovelling around Revie’s Leeds. No wonder everyone in Yorkshire of a similar age apart from their fans can’t stand them.

    Excellent article. Agree about Lawrenson. No danger of him ever getting a gig at The Comedy Store

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