The Thirty Greatest Dimitar Berbatovs Of All-Time, Part One

4 By Ian  |   The Ball  |   June 23, 2011  |     6

#30 – Dimitar Berbatov

– So how do you spell that.. errr… Ver-ba-tov?

– No, no, no. With a B, not a V. Ber-ba-tov.

– Ber-ba-tob? Dimitar Berbatob?

– Shit, no, the first V is a B. Ber-ba-tov. Dimitar BER-BA-TOV. He’s Bulgarian. From Bulgaria.

#29 – Dimitar Berbatov

When evening came, Berbarella wished to leave, and PSG was anxious to go with him, but he escaped from them so quickly that they could not follow him. PSG had, however, used a strategem, and had caused the whole staircase to be smeared with pitch, and there, when he ran down, had the cultured and beautiful centre-forward’s left boot remained sticking. PSG picked it up, and it was small and dainty, and all golden. Next morning, PSG went with it to Alex Ferguson, and said to him, “No one shall be my cultured and beautiful centre-forward but he whose foot this golden boot fits.”

#28 – Dimitar Berbatov

I’ve been wandering around the house all night
wondering what the hell to do
Yeah, I’m trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you
well the phone don’t ring ’cause my friends ain’t home
I’m tired of being all alone
Got the tv on ’cause the radio’s playing
songs that remind me of you

Berbie when you’re gone, I realise I’m in love
days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long
Even food don’t taste that good, drink ain’t doing what it should
things just feel so wrong, Berbie when you’re gone

#27 – Dimitar Berbatov


#26 – Dimitar Berbatov

Dimitar Berbatov seeks to waste no time or movement, teaching that the simplest things work best. Economy of motion is the principle by which DB practitioners achieve:

Efficiency: An attack which reaches its target in the least amount of time, with maximum force.

Directness: Doing what comes naturally in a disciplined way.

Simplicity: Thinking in an uncomplicated manner; without ornamentation.
This is meant to help a practitioner conserve both energy and time; two crucial components in a physical confrontation. Maximized force seeks to end the battle quickly due to the amount of damage inflicted upon the opponent. Rapidity aims to reach the target before the opponent can react, which is half-beat faster timing, learned in Wing Chun and Western boxing. Learned techniques are utilized in DB to apply these principles to a variety of situations.

#25 – Dimitar Berbatov

#24 – Dimitar Berbatov

To be Dimitar Berbatov is not enough. One must be both Dimitar Berbatov and not Berbatov concurrently. The essence of Berbatov conflicts with the truth of Berbatov. Yet the reality of Berbatov is insufficient to sooth the expectation of Berbatov. But, to be fair Brian, that overhead kick was different class.

#23 – Dimitar Berbatov

2: The act or fact of touching; also: the act or an instance of handling or controlling a ball (as in basketball or soccer).

#22 – Dimitar Berbatov

“I know it was you, Mitko. You broke my heart. You broke my heart!”

#21 – Dimitar Berbatov

Dimitar Berbatov retired form international football to concentrate his sublime skills on succeeding at Manchester United. Whilst his teammates were away on international duty, Dimitar Berbatov returned to Bulgaria to appear on the nation’s most popular chat show. Following a brief discussion on his life, career, hopes, and dreams, Dimitar Berbatov was introduced to comic creation, the footballer Gatso Batsov.

The humour, it seemed to Dimitar Berbatov, came from the juxtaposition of Batsov, an out of shape has been in a vest worn over a t-shirt, and the stylish, film noirish appearance of Dimitar Berbatov. In Batsov you have a man who looks like he can barely stand up, let alone play football, yet alongside him is Dimitar Berbatov, the silky, golden-touched hope carrier of the post-Stoichkov generation. Dimitar Berbatov had to admit there was a curious humour to this awkward contrast.

Following his appearance on the chat show, Dimitar Berbatov returned to Manchester. Upon arriving to training at Carrington, Dimitar Berbatov spied former England international Michael Owen in his training shirt and luminous vest. Suddenly the joke of Gatso Batsov become less funny.

Dimitar Berbatov trained on his own in the rain.

Follow Chris Taylor on Twitter here.

Follow Twohundredpercent on Twitter here.

Share

Ian

Ian began writing Twohundredpercent in May 2006. He lives in Brighton. He has also written for, amongst others, Pitch Invasion, FC Business Magazine, The Score, When Saturday Comes, Stand Against Modern Football and The Football Supporter. Ian was the first winner of the Socrates Award For Not Being Dead Yet at the 2010 NOPA awards for football bloggers.

Comments
  • June 23, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Tony

    This is really poor and totally out of keeping with the website generally. Is it supposed to be funny?

  • June 23, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Simon Cope

    Feel free to “whoosh” me in glorious old-skool ConfGuide style for completely not getting it, but wtf?

  • June 23, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Matt W

    I personally love it.

  • June 23, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Dave

    Strange. Don’t get it.

Leave A Comment

Also available on…
Speek Yo Branes
Socialise With Us