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Day: February 24, 2011

Keith, Ian and Andy: Baseless Chuckles And Gurning; A Disservice To Us All

Hands up who has been throwing bottles at the television during those adverts for the FA Cup on ITV this season? Well, Mark Critchley has been, and he has been kind enough to share his rage with us. Follow Mark on Twitter by clicking here. Heh. We’re a right bunch of cads, us lot. Don’t know about you but parking in the players’ entrance, knocking a scotch egg about and holding whimsical cup draws with a bag of Haribo Starmix – well, that’s just our ‘banter’ on a bad day. When we’re not giggling ourselves shitless however, we’re knocking our skulls against the real issues. ‘Striker’ or ‘centre-forward’? What’s a 2-2-3-1-2? What are we supposed to tell the wife? We’re football supporters, y’see. This is what we do. Right? For those still blissfully ignorant of Keith, Ian and Andy, theirs are the baseless chuckles and lad-gurns which sandwich ITV’s sponsored FA Cup coverage – itself a tumbleweed blowing on from the previous weekend’s genuinely laughable Match of the Day. Whereas however, the irreproachable beam of a bone-idle Alan Shearer goes some way to apologise for him not knowing his arse from his Edin Džeko, this gang of rampant shitheads, decked out in stubble and sports-casual, are indefinitely offensive. Not only do they try to sell you a crap car you don’t want on your time, and suffocate their promotions...

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FC United’s Home Feels Another Step Closer

Ah, man, you read The Book of Exodus and you’d think Moses and the Israelites had it bad. They fled Egypt, which was wise given the current political turmoil over there, and mooched about the wilderness for forty years before God gave them a bit of land to call their own, and they all settled down to do whatever it is they did. Compared to us at FC United they had it easy. OK, they mooched about the wilderness for forty years, but did they have to get the tram all the way to Bury? Did they fuck. Bury! It’s past Besses o’th’ Barn for crying out loud. And when it was time to stay put, God gave them the Promised Land just like that. No planning permission applications, no community share issue, no pleading for grants and hand-outs. Nah, man, it clearly pays to have friends in high places. And I’m talking much higher than Richard Leese of Manchester City council. But shit, we’re doing it the hard way, and that’s fine. We’re a secular kind of club, and I’m not sure cashing in favours from Him would go down well with all of our membership. So planning applications, grant funding, and the development fund it is. And the way things are going we’ll be well inside Ten Acres Lane within forty years, showing Moses and Co exactly...

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Mungo S03E28

With Mungo still galavanting around the tundras on a mammoth, Heart of Clachmaninshire’s unsung – better – players get a chance to shine, with inevitable consequences. Indeed, inevitable consequences are very much the order of the day. We all hate Dotmund too, don’t worry. Click for...

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