The New England Shirt Is Leaked, And… Well…

Those of you that live in Britain will probably be familiar with the concept of the town centre sports barn. These giant stores have several distinguishing features – walls so high that one can barely see what is being sold on the top third of them, a cardboard box full of suspiciously cheap looking footballs and a massive wall of trainers, ninety-five per cent of which are so awful that no-one in their right mind would ever consider buying them. Perhaps the biggest area of these stores, however, is the “leisure wear” section. In these areas, you can find a bewildering array of sweatshop produced polo shirts, hooded tops and tracksuit trousers. Often, they are made by sportswear companies that you had started to think had ceased to exist (“Patrick” – briefly kings of football shirt design in the early 1980s – springs immediately to mind). Without wishing to pour too much disrespect upon these stores, their merchandise or their clientele, the new England football team shirt looks as if you might find it in the bargain bin of one of these stores, with a series of prices crossed out from £59.99 to £1.99, unwanted by the general public, and destined to eventually be returned to a warehouse where they will, in the full course of time, be recycled to be sent to charity shops or to off to...

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