Bosphorous 1-0 Balkans

It’s almost as if Michel Platini was sitting in the stand with a remote control. “Honestly”, he thought to himself as he recalled the one hundred and eighteen minutes of dirge that he had found himself sitting through, “if you leave them to do it for themselves, you’ll always end up with one really duff match in the end”. He reached into his pocket and brought out his gold and black Sony Euro-Joystick and switched it on. Within twenty seconds, Rustu Recber had run fifteen yards from his goal after a ball that he would have needed Inspector Gadget’s arms to get to, gifting Klasnic and Croatia what looked for all the world like the winning goal, from Luka Modric’s cross. “Hmm”, thought Platini, “if this ever becomes public knowledge, they’ll make mincemeat of me. I need to do something to level things up. That way, if anyone ever finds out about this, I can always say, ‘Well, at least I was even-handed about it all’. That should cover me”. Barely two minutes later, in the injury time of the second period of extra time, Rustu launched a long, aimless ball into the Croatian penalty area. With military precision, Platini sent a hundred volts through the testicles of the two Croatian central defenders -the distraction providing just enough space for Semih to drive the laser-guided ball past Pletikosa and...

Read More