Spring Cleaning

In previous years, the Easter weekend was the time of year when everything suddenly became clear. This year, however, many things seem just as unresolved as they did last week. Partly it’s because Easter is so damn early this year, and partly it’s because many of English football’s more pressing tête à têtes this year seem unlikely to be resolved before the very last day of the season. Still, there was always time for Sky Sports to broadcast “Sooper Dooper Sunday – The Most Masculine Easter In The History Of Mankind”, in which Manchester United, Liverpool, Arsenal and Chelsea came together to prove once and for all that the Premier League is considerably more important than Jesus. This, of course, followed “Irrelevant Saturday”, in which the teams that don’t matter stood around, picking their noses and occasionally kicking a football about. This weekend’s football was notable for even more over the top masculinity than usual. Whether it was coming from Cristiano Ronaldo (top left), Javier Mascherano, who looked like a drunk spoiling for a fight outside a kebab shop after his (thoroughly deserved) sending off for Liverpool at Old Trafford yesterday, or Didier Drogba busting out of his Chelsea shirt like The Incredible Hulk after scoring against Arsenal, there was a lot of testosterone on display yesterday, although whether there was much of anything else on display is open...

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