Tottenham Hotspur 4-0 West Ham United

We emerge from the bowels of London’s expansive underground system at Seven Sisters tube station into pouring rain. Where the hell did this come from? It wasn’t doing it in Brighton, where it was fine and bright, and it wasn’t doing it at Elephant & Castle, where we switched from the train to the tube. Maybe the Gods where angry with me for selling my soul for the day to the Premier League. They don’t appear to have been terribly happy with Tottenham or West Ham recently. Since their League Cup win against Chelsea, Spurs have been thrashed by, of all people, Birmingham City and beaten at home in the UEFA Cup by PSV Eindhoven. The consolation for Spurs is that West Ham are playing just as badly at the moment. A couple of weeks ago it looked as if they might have an outside chance of getting fifth place in the Premier League, but two successive 4-0 defeats against Liverpool and Chelsea appear to have put paid to that pipe dream for another season. In spite of this, their supporters have made the trip across from East London and Essex in good voice. Rather too good for the liking of the police, in fact – as we arrive at White Hart Lane, two lines of policemen are separating the opposing supporters. Between the stony faces of the yellow-jacketed...

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